How do you like me now? – Killzone 2

Since the dawn of PS3, one of the most frequent phrases uttered by the millions of SONY supporters was ‘Killzone 2 is gonna rock’ and rock it did but here’s the thing. Killzone 2 is one of, if not the, most critically acclaimed games of 2009. So of course, you get the millions of fanboys, or maybe just Killzone fans, immediately hailing it as gaming perfection. If I’m honest for the first ten hours, I thought it was perfect too. Then I finally said, you’re a critic Jack  stop loving it so much.

So then I started replaying the game to find faults, and it wasn’t very hard. This article/re-review will look at things you perhaps missed, or more likely deny. As I write this I’m struggling on what I should do, do another review of a game long enough past or just list off my complaints in the style of a writer in anguish…I’ll go with the review.

You must know the plot of Killzone 2 by now, due to the fact as it’s as thin as a sheet of sliced ham that came from a pig on diet. You play as Tomas ‘Sev’ Sevchenko, not related to the crock of a Ukrainian soccer player (Das ist facht), a fresh face to the Killzone cast as he spearheads the invasion of Helghan; three guesses & no prizes for who lives there. Along for the ride are your squadie pals; Rico, Garza & Natko. Now we’ll address the first problem of Killzone 2. No, it’s not the plot. Actually despite the plot’s weak build and frail dynamics, it works and fits the cast. It’s not Oscar worthy, but hell it’s a damn slight better than most FPSs today. No, the problem in this section of the review is Rico himself. I’ve never wanted a video game character to die quite so bad; it got to the point I actually ran out of ammo, and here’s why. “Sev! It’s a tank! F***!” No kidding Sherlock. “Sev, get me the f*** up!” But shooting you is much more fun! “F*** this shit!” Oh what happened now!?!

Look Guerilla, I’ve met and hung out with commandos (R.I.P: David & Shaun). There are a lot of sentences where they don’t use verbal abuse. I’m Irish and even I found that Rico’s constant abusive whining and stupid genius character makes the whole war thing as uncomfortable as getting your d**k stuck in your trousers. I know there is a tank ten feet away from me, it’d be pretty f***ing hard not to know! I know I need an RPG, I don’t plan on stabbing it to death. Yes I know you need a medic, now STFU and die already!

Don’t be alarmed, most of the rest of the cast are A-OK, for reals, and I will actually point out Killzone 2 is the first game of which I’ve played to depict such an immersing and believable villain in the form of Scolar Visari, although Radac fails for having one of the worst boss battles ever thought of.

On that note, let’s move onto the gameplay part. It’s got straight forward controls. It’s got different sections including vehicles and airship gun turrets. It has thinly varied level designs built  the ground up with about eight or nine colours (Four shades of brown, black, red, blue, grey & orange). So it follows the FPS recipe to the letter, missing maybe a much wanted but not needed co-op; but Killzone 2 follows the recipe with such lack of creativity that they actually make something innovative by doing nothing new. Yes I know you’re all wondering ‘WTF!?!’ but stick with me here. Killzone 2 has nothing new that we’ve never seen before, but have we ever seen it done this well? Likely answer; no.

As I, lightly, touched on before- FPSs are not games that go buck mad with colour, unless your playing Halo or some other game designed by colour blind loonies which will have maybe a dozen. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare had a nice selection of level variety, but it was basically bright browns for the Americans & dark greens for the Northern Irish/English guys (The word ‘British’ makes my throat hurt). So it’s pretty much on colour par with Killzone 2, and therefore I’ve now justified myself for mentioning the greatest FPS of all time in the same breath as Killzone 2 (I can feel the Halo fanboy rage building).

Although obviously there is a huge graphical difference between them, and this is the next big point of the review. Whether Killzone 2 is the best FPS, or even best game, of 2009 is for all of you to debate BUT, I’m putting solid cash and my reputation as a credible reviewist on the line right now when I say Killzone 2 is THE best looking console FPS period (note: by using the word console this excludes Crysis from contention). Graphically, Killzone 2 is a complete triumph that I cannot find fault with…not.  Yes it’s pretty, very pretty, but it’s flawless. When Rico does get shot and falls on his fat ass, although I know it’s tempting to just sit back and watch, hit the circle button and watch what happens. Maybe the most horrendous excuse of a revive animation I’ve seen yet. Now grab a flamepisser, yes not flamethrower as the flame has to FLOW for that, flamePISSER. Meaning if you are a guy and were to have a very, very, VERY bad intestine inflammation, this is the kind of thing you’d see…and I also recommend you piss outside for the next couple of days. So, pristine graphic design with, literally, piss animation.

Now lets tackle the other major point of this story, the online. Guerilla bless your little cotton socks, or whatever the f*** you’re wearing, cause you’ve tried. You’ve really, really tried. Before I mentioned, this time not so lightly, that Killzone 2’s lack of creativity is innovative at times. Well for the online Killzone 2 tried the same trick, and in ways it’s a huge success but also an utter disaster. Killzone 2 has on-the-fly game switches, where you’d be playing Team Deathmatch (Bodycount) one moment and then suddenly playing a completely different game the next with no loading screens or break in gameplay. This is a nice and flowing idea that hasn’t been used before. Killzone 2 also has an adapted class system that isn’t too different from Team Fortress 2, you unlock badges and classes that you can mix & match for different combos and styles of play.

So what’s the problem? There are about up to seven rounds per game, each round would be the equivalent to a game on any other FPS. So say you play seven games on the same, now twelve, maps over and over and over again. It’s a blast, but by gawd can it get dull. Without a clan & regular friends who will keep the games fresh, you’ll get pretty tired of hearing the faction CO announce a change of plans. “We’re playing Bodycount now, put down the propaganda and shoot something.” But I played that last game, and the game before that, and the game before that! Killzone 2 is actually giving me FPS burnout! ME! A man who shares his birthday with the anniversary of DOOM! (10th December, 18th, so start saving kiddies!) Another problem requires me to call in my beloved Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare for a second time. There is this one, simple and utterly stupid feature to Call Of Duty 4’s online. Prestige mode. In detail: “You’ve worked your ass off for God knows how many hours unlocking everything the game has to offer, why not give it all back and start back at rank 1 again to get a more shiny badge.” As stupid as that sounds, prestige actually offers UNLIMITED game time. Before the fateful day I lost my Call Of Duty 4, stupid baby cousin with stupid lollipop, I was a Prestige 7 captain and showed no sign of stopping. Unfortunately, since I’m skint and the game has gone on to become the greatest game since the creation of man, I cannot afford to shed cash for it and I’m not eager on trading in for a game I already had; I have stopped. Now on Killzone 2, we’ve got a problem. While playing Call Of Duty 4 if someone demanded my attention downstairs the reply would be “HOLD YOUR F***ING HORSES!” Now in the same situation, but with Killzone 2, the reply would be “Coming now.” Unless it’s my girlfriend calling then there’d be a much different reply. I can put Killzone 2 down because I can’t be bothered unlocking every class, not when they’re so hard to get and I level up so easily anyway for playing as normal, and once I reach the highest rank I am DONE. A few occasions I’ve had to move PSNs (PS3 crash, Demon’s Souls picky adult content lock, lost password) where I had to start again, but because I’m not getting a shiny new badge for it I can’t be f***ed. DLC is overpriced, even though I paid for it I’m gonna bitch about it cause I have that right; and Guerilla has yet to announce anything other than maps and impossibly hard ranks to regain my attention.

It looks long enough so let’s leave it here shall we? Killzone 2 has many brilliant but flawed ideas and although on arrival it may seem like the perfect FPS, scoff, it has too many shortcomings to warrant that title yet.

(Yes I know I curse while picking on Rico, no he is not the main point of criticism I have of this game that’d actually be the lack of decent boss-fights & the thin plot)

Tags: Article Humour Killzone 2 PS3 review